The fortune teller and Vice President of Nicaragua Rosario Murillo, together with her unlearned husband Daniel Ortega, for the third time since 2023, prohibit the Holy Week processions in all the cities of Nicaragua.

14,000 agents closely monitor the churches, so that there are no acts of faith or gatherings around the crucified Jesus. Religious experts say that Daniel is afraid of a resurrection of the Nazarene during Holy Week, because he will hold him accountable for all the crimes committed against the Nicaraguan people.

The ‘Nicas’ also comment that it is very rare for a character as selfish, sexist, narrow-minded, and misogynistic as Daniel Ortega to have shared the presidency with his wife. There is a theory circulating that the tyrant president was the target of witchcraft by his evil wife, who, on a full moon night, using her magical powers, gave him a potion made from underwear juice and has made the guy more foolish than he really is.

Most Nicaraguans pray for the great Donald Trump to perform the little miracle of imprisoning the ‘witch’ and the ‘donkey,’ in an action similar to that in Venezuela, to definitely free the country from that evil duo who, for 19 years of a horrifying dictatorship, have done nothing but imprison dissidents, violate human rights, encourage corruption, and plunge their citizens into poverty and economic backwardness.

At this moment, the Ortega-Murillo regime faces an uncertainty translated into diarrheic panic, as a result of the events in Venezuela, where the fantastic Delta Force of the American army, in a cinematic action, extracted without much difficulty, but with cutting-edge technology, their partner, the scoundrel Nicolás Maduro.